Conversations with God

Growing up I was so FUCKING ANGRY

Never understood why God ain’t save me

Hated all these fucked up cards that he gave me

Prayer after prayer wishing he’ll come and take me

Inside I felt like I was dying

Wished the tears stop falling

But I can't stop crying

Head is pounding

And my heart aches

Sick of walking around with a smile

After a while it ain’t hard to fake

They say, God don’t make mistakes

Well that’s hard to believe

When all this pain I endured, lives inside of me

Done hurting, I just want it to leave

To end the voices in my head

I swallowed a bottle of pills

That way I won’t have to feel

What it’s like to hate myself

Maybe I’ll slit my wrists too

So I won’t have to face the fact that I think, I’m ugly & fat

Or how much I hate to be, black

Growing up, life was whack

But I refuse to take it back

All the self harm I did

Was because love never showed up for me, as a kid

This is my story, I write it proudly

Tomorrow if I wake up I know then that love, has found me

My whole existence, it was all around me

-Sierra M. D.